Behind

I have been so behind in life these last few weeks.  Behind at work, behind at home, behind in my relationships, behind on my blog.  It is exhausting feeling behind constantly.  Your mind is never at rest, it constantly races with what you "should" be doing and never gives your body a chance to rest.  You start to feel guilty for the things that should be, but are not happening.

This week was the first time that I felt mostly caught up at work.  At least caught up enough to not feel pressured to work over the weekend.  So Friday I decided to start tackling my severely neglected home.  It was nice to scrub and clean out stuff again.  At one point, I got the bright idea to move the couches.  I realized (after the fact) that they had not been moved since we moved in over a year ago.  *Points to self*, see I really am Homemaking Challenged.  I am only posting this because I believe that you deserve to see the truth here.  This is what was there when we moved the couches.

I have been missing hair ties, and over 12 of them apparently ended up under the couch!

This picture pretty much summarizes how I feel in life right now.  I feel behind and like a failure in so many ways.  Seriously, I don't even know how I get it all done sometimes, then just when I'm feeling somewhat accomplished and caught up, I see something like this.  I can be really discouraging.

Honestly I know that I could be WAY more efficient with my time specifically at home.  After a crazy day at work, racing home getting everyone fed, heading back to church where I'm running a program, then loading up exhausted kids and getting them home 1-2+ hours after their normal bed time, getting them to sleep.  I just want to crash on the couch and unwind for a bit.  I mean, I've been going for 14+ hours strait at this point.  Then its bed time and I race to bed without doing things that should be done, and then those things pile up, and cause me to be even MORE behind than I already was.

There have been days where I choose to be extra productive, and I love the results the next day.  However, the results are so short lived in my little family, that it makes being motivated to do them extra hard.  I mean, I could do the dishes immediately after dinner, but when I have these adorable faces  ...

... staring at me, wanting mommy to sit with them or play with them.  How can I refuse?  I mean I have been away from them all day, I miss them, I want to be with them!

I guess I will just have to live with being behind for now.  Honestly, I think I'm ok with that.  While I'm behind with my housework, I'm not behind in reading with my kids, or my fort building skills, or my cuddle time.  I want to be intentional and soak all of that up while they are still young.

I think I'm finally coming to a place where I am ok being behind.  So long as I'm never behind on special time with my two kiddos.